21 Comments
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Hylia Corvidae's avatar

Oooh this builds up the dread so nicely! Got my heart to beat a little faster, like the opening scene to a slasher film

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Rachel Nasatka's avatar

I don’t know why each time I read your work, I’m surprised by how good it is. But I feel like you keep one upping yourself! These feel like an adult version of watching are you afraid of the dark (speaking of the 90s)

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Jenifer Jorgenson's avatar

Wow! I'll take that compliment any day. Thanks, Rachel!

I just try to write what I would want to read. Probably a selfish and maybe narcissistic way to look at it, but it's true.

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Rachel Nasatka's avatar

It’s working!!!

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Hina Gondal's avatar

Love this!

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Jenifer Jorgenson's avatar

Thank you!

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Amanda Izzo's avatar

The tension and suspense build up between plays was extreme! I was reading with bated breath between beeps/clicks! It’s so interesting, you almost used moments of brief pause as meticulously placed emotional speed bumps for the reader!!! I found my heart pounding at those breaks!

Also, such a nod to the 90s and made me nostalgic 🧡

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Jenifer Jorgenson's avatar

Thanks, Amanda. I was going for a hint of nostalgia before I leaned into the creepy. I'm glad it worked. 😊

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typo's avatar

Superb build-up of tension. Love the slow drip of the recorded messages. Crept under my skin by the end!

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Jenifer Jorgenson's avatar

Thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

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M. Paula Coelho's avatar

I love this plot line. I actually did feel nostalgic, but then immediately was terrified. I couldn’t stop reading it, and did not see that twist coming. Every “click” had me jumping in my seat. I felt like I was watching those classic slasher movies in my mind. Kind of when Scream in the 90s would call leaving a message.

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Jenifer Jorgenson's avatar

What's your favorite scary movie?

😉

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M. Paula Coelho's avatar

“Halloween” she says.. walking right into it 😭🤣

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BentButTrue's avatar

Very well done. The tension progresses nicely until the end, from nice casual read, until “Fuck That!

I had to turn around and look behind me. I was in the kitchen and I had just found an old answering machine downstairs and thrown it out a few days ago.

Nothing was behind me of course, just had to make sure.

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Jenifer Jorgenson's avatar

I'm glad nothing was behind you! And thanks for the feedback. 🙏

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BentButTrue's avatar

Mine comes out at 4:30

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Josh Lami's avatar

You let the pauses do as much damage as the words themselves — that’s how you use silence as a weapon, and you nailed it. You let the ordinary lull me into comfort, then you betrayed my trust. As well you should.

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Jenifer Jorgenson's avatar

You say the nicest things, Josh! 😉

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Josh Lami's avatar

Well you have an advantage. You write in my wheelhouse.

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Judith Ashcraft's avatar

I love your take on this prompt! The brothers getting out of doing the work is universal, I guess!

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Jenifer Jorgenson's avatar

Thanks. I had a lot of fun with this one. I love these weekly prompts!

And yes, I think it is universal, although my sisters are equally good at it... 😏

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